I dont belong to this world

Have always read about it—that life is an exciting multi-facet,multi-dimensional, journey with moments of joy and sadness and most importantly change from one phase to another. Important changes, important incident forms milestone and gets a permanent blue print in our memories.

I am experiencing the same in that moment of life when I am going through transition, from knowing myself to unlearning myself—in the process trying to unlearn a lot of underlying DNA in relationships. Perhaps the most difficult phase in both my professional and personal life, where I am fighting with myself, my demons, the values to stand for and growing attraction to know the unknown and to detest the society , the people around.

Thanks to technology, the world becoming a global village is a fast, growing reality and each individual is becoming a celebrity in its own rights. Thanks to Face book and Twitter!!!! 24/7 Connected...Round the clock, the urge to let people know whats going on in your mind, in your life, in your favorite celebrities life, letting the world know—you have a mind of your own and your opinion needs to be heard. Nothing can be more optimistic in a democracy....whether Nilekani's ambitious project of giving every Indian an unique identity number will be true or not, I dont know—but the social networking sites has definitely all there to bring out the uniqueness of an individual.Have we ever wondered from orkut, to FB to Twitter..what next? Do I hear a ....Buzz!!!

Me an absolutely technological geek—thanks to tecch savvy cousin, who pushed me to buy a Sam sung Corby— now even I am well connected to this social networking sites and addicted to it. Now one who has in his whole life never been addicted to cigarettes,drugs or for that matter, Love, Sex or Dhoka, addiction to anything is disturbing at all levels.....!

I have been a poor in my own rights. I dont understand a lot of things this intelligent world talks about and even worse dont relate to it. I dont understand when we go to watch a movie, why do we technically dissect each frame and not focus on the emotion or thought the story want to tell—why we are so bothered and debate whether the dead body should have been shown in a glass frame or lying under bare sky and ignore the mother's tears mourning the loss of dead son. Or for the matter of fact, people claims they love someone die-hard and will marry the very person and that very moment enquires about someone's else number.....to explore a potential casual relationship. Actually fact is that I am amateur in this world of modern relationships..dont take me seriously!!!

I truly feel writing blogs, is a great way of penning down your nascent thoughts—free from any bindings and thats why mostly honest. By virtue of being an avid reader, I am also keen to read other thoughts in their blogs. But I wished people were a little more bold---they write the true piece from their lives, yet define the characters as fictional and resemblance to life as coincidences and purely incidental. With the risk of sounding rude, I wish I am never part of such blogs, no matter how good is written abt me, in the garb of that fictional name. For god sake, I still live, I still breathe...dont make me history, let alone fiction. I dont understand such love,such affections...it is a pure form of “ Emotional Atyachar” for me.

But I do understand and relate to the moist eyes of my friend @Khan, when the credit rolls over for the movie My name is Khan. Thats real...Very real. I do understand my dearest friend and her dilemmma ,of being torn between being a daughter to parents and her own happiness. I love people like @Sonu who can dare to hold your hand in front of the world and let the world know that you are speical rather than uttering in your moblie's inbox a dozen times in midnight, what you mean to that person but scared to do the same in front of the world. Emotional Atyachar for me again!!! Have always been tried to be vocal about my favourites because I have been an idiot my whole life and never learnt greatest tool of modern world: Diplomacy. Ok, I refuse to learn even now... ..and announce the whole world that I love you Mom, Dad, Bhai....because you seem to be the real beings in this world for me. Rest appears virtual.

Great to see a lot of social awareness happening and people taking those small initiatives to make that positive change in people's lives. Be it Idea's Green Campaign for a paperless environment friendly world or NDTV's Greenathon campaign to light up the villages with solar energy. And whats amazing to see number of people joining hand to take forward the initiative. Teach India Campaign was another amazing campaign...wish to see much more action for survival and education for a girl child. More power to these people!!!! And Education is important because it helps us to differentiate good from bad. And one more lesson that I have learnt this year—that people in this world are divided into two sects: Good and Bad—one who does good karma and one who does bad karma. And there is no other classification. Loved to trust that but truth is that we all lie probably in the over-lapping grey area.

I feel like a lost child in this world, so much to see, so much to learn, so much to give—having said all this I truly feel I am misfit in world of smart, intelligent,suave and sexy people like my cousin Tj, my friend Praveen, Sonia...although I know they mean the world to me and they are kind enough to tell me that simple mortals like me without six packs and good looks are also imprortant for this planet. I guess ecological balance is critical. Just joking, they plain simple love me and addicted to my weaknesses. Ha Ha!!! And then there is Antara,Ajit, Venus, Vikram,Sri,Wazz —I am no one to them, yet they are worried about my well being and extends unconditional care. Then there is Ujjwal—who makes me laugh and smile with whackiest jokes...and makes the moment living worthwhile. And of course my whole facebook and twitter family, who has overwhelmed me with their love and support. Thanks guys from bottom of my heart. All these people gives me the hope that all is not over for me and I can survive the world -----yet there is a outer world calling the inner me to go to them, visit new places, new people, do some thing new....noise growing louder to shun my present world. Dilemma persists within me. I wished I could adopt a kid and be a single father...how cool would be that? I wished I could go back to my school and attend class 3 English classes with @ Indranil @Kaustav.


Last but not the least, there are a few , whom I cannot name, who also form core-DNA of my life , as they prefer being fiction over real, and duly respect their privacy and sentiments. I cannot interpret their feelings as I suffer from dyslexia in some relationships but my love for them do not have disclaimers....which made me draw my last conclusion for the day, its more important to be with person who loves you rather than whom you love. But then chemistry like @Srkajol just happens...right @Payal?

And my thoughts above are all for real and any resemblance to life is purely intentional:-)