Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Love 1 Down.....

Here she goes again. Fourth peg of rum down. Shreya could hardly open her eyes but never the less she was enjoying. Music was lucid in the background, she didn’t care much. One could imagine her state of mind, after four pegs down; she was almost there in cloud nine. She drowsily looked at her boyfriend and smiled. Her boyfriend smiled back, who was equally drunk. They were a stand-out couple in their own sense because their romance took a new high when they were drunk. Shreya was drowned in alcohol but her eyes were intoxicated by love. Love for Ronav, who has changed her life. She is quite an individual on her own- self dependent, go-getter, a very confident it-girl. Until she fall in love. Born out of Bong and Assamese parents, she definitely has a few North-eastern traits, making her quite a sharp, cute-looker and add to that the personality makes her a class of her own. Love has made her quite an insecure being, especially this being her first relationship. She slowly pulled the high-tool she was sitting in, near Ronav, put her two hands around his shoulder, and drew her face close to him. The smell of the musk was strong; it gave her a new high. Shreya looked at Ronav, and said “Baby, you love me na.”. Ronav gently caressed her hair, drew her closer, and then straight looked straight into her eyes, “Of course, I love you very much Ana”

The orchids were the only bright thing, apart from her, in that room of Jaslok Hospital. Aahana was staring blankly at the window panes which was battering against strong winds and gushing rain. She wished they survive, as she has. Her face looked pale yet the accident has not managed to take away the inherent herself. Her eyes still looked beautiful and had a story to tell, waiting for someone to read. Her mom was standing behind her curtains, perplexed. Although she was assured about recovery of Roo (as they lovingly call her), her heart sensed the bigger storm that awaits in their daughter’s life.

That one word of Ronav was enough, to bring Shreya from her beautiful dream to reality. Her anger knew no bounds, she simply picked up the wine glass and threw the remnants of the glass on Ronav’s face and walked off, from her own apartment. She failed to understand where she failed in these three years of relationship. Ronav was in a shock, not due to Shreya’s reaction but his statement. “What the f***” he thought, “Three years man…Damn!!!!” He needed to reassure himself that he loved Shreya, and that all is well. Whatever he said was just a fluke and of course its alcohol. It wasn’t he who said that forbidden word ”Ana ”. Ronav being a business consultant has fixed bigger issues in workplace, this seems to be so much simpler to fix yet he is still trying.

Aahana looked anxiously all around. Her mother could read her eyes on what or rather whom she was searching. She didn’t have an answer to the questions her eyes posed. Doctor has informed that Aahana is suffering from partial amnesia, due to the near fatal accident, her memory refuses to remember any incident that happened in last 5 years. She remembers her parents, her graduation day, her first day at job, her love Ronav but not her break-up with him. It is always so difficult to break bad news to her daughter, let alone her loss of memory or her break-up that happened 3 years back. Doctors have strictly advised not to put her under any stress and recovery of memory will be natural, if at all it happens.

Shreya left the building and started walking down. Tears were in abundance, threatened to wipe off her mascara…she cared a damn. It was almost mid-night, and she knew it was not at all safe around that time, in Dwarka. Ronav chased her down. He pleaded his innocence but she won’t have any. Seeds of doubt were already planted. Ronav has been completely transparent about his past relationship to her and apparently has not met his ex for last 3 years. Shreya wondered why she feels so helpless when it is her relationship, when she has quashed off her any competitors potential or otherwise in her professional life, just like that. But she was determined to win over this riddle called Aahana, which still loomed large on her relationship. It took couple of hours, 1 slap, 2 songs, 1 ice-cream and 1 kiss to do the trick. Shreya was smiling again. Little did they know, life is one wicked game, waiting to take them for one big adventure that could change their destiny…………………..

Friday, September 10, 2010

Festival and Human Relations

As India transcends into double celebration mode - Eid and Ganesh Chaturthi, its happy times specially out here in Mumbai, both are big festivals. And Indo-Pak jodi reaching finals of US open,wonder if it is just a sweet personally the energy that evloves in the festivals. Basically faith in god manages to bring the best in human spirit and we, thankfully get a chance to celebrate our unity of humanity ...Food, Music, Dance forms core, while we tend to mingle with everyone during these events, such is the magic!!

Wish our personal relationships were simple too....but they always hang in the thin air ...leaving us to do the fine balancing act. And with time, it sometimes gets complicated. We often wonder why we cant related to the person,way we used to few years back . Why do equation changes....and then are there some instances the chemistry growing stronger with time. Probably subconsciously, we are evaluating our life all the time and relations becomes subject to relativity. Ageing is a natural progression, so is probably consolidation in personal relationships. Consolidation here essentially means that we need to let go some people from our lives not because they are not important- but bcoz they are very important and we want to remember them always with a smile.

And these days of course social networking has become a big arena in our personal lives – in fact we give access to information privy to ourselves, to the world though status updates. Sub-consciously our human mind, always seek feedback and thats where facebook and its entire world of comment acts as an stimulus addendum. Sometime we love, sometimes we hate these comments but definitely we do not ignore. Thats the risk we carry while exposing ourselves to social networking site, we kind of give license to people to write anything and everything about us. Personally, I will tend to block a person if he tries to cross the fine line of self respect- however easier said than done , as the nastiest remarks often come from the closest ones who are empowered naturally to make a bigger impact on you. Otherwise its fun..and best part is you get to know so many people and their random yet wonderful thoughts. Honest mostly!!!!

Was really looking forward to this weekend- Had a boys night out yesterday and with Praveen and Ankit, unlimited quantum of laughter guaranteed, its so true old friends are really gold.... looking forward to a rocking weekend with lunch at close friends place , watching the much-hyped Dabbang, for the entertainment it promises to offer, happily play games and make Balu scowl, whenever I win...Life has changed quite a bit after coming to Mumbai......have let go some emotions and relations, accepted a few change in equations....Choices we make are never easy but it is important to make one , to take us forward. Thankfully, few choices God has made for us, so whenever get lost in life, my cousin is just a ping away.....

We should never ever fear to make a choice and let ever anyone to make us so vunerable that we start losing ourselves. And most importantly do things, which keeps us happy!!!

Happy Weekend ...keep rocking!!!!! All izz Well:-)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Living a Beautiful Dream.... come to my city
some times lashing down with a fury,
flooding down the street...
some times sprinkling gently from the sky,
kissing softly my feet........
I am with you rain out there always.....
to face your wrath when you are angry,
and to dance with you when you are happy,
you love me ,and keep coming,
speak to my eyes in the day,
whisper in my ears in the night.

Somewhere,some one is smiling,seeing the poor me,
A bundle of errors and wrong timing,
Wondering when I actually will open my eyes to see.....

I know rain, she has send you.....
to give me the feel of her presence
amidst all beautiful illusions that exists,
to turn me blind in every essence,
Her midas touch will make me see one day,
She knows right time is yet to set,
but it is not far away....,

She looks calmly down the valley,
with her eyes, laced with the Kohl,
her long hair falling over her shoulders,
like a black cascade,
with a smile that reaches her eyes,
and trembling lips assuring her,
wait is over.......

I have to find the way to you now,
Cant lose you for anything or anyone,
You kept your promise,
Our friend rain, washed away the black clouds,
for the sun to make the hay,to show me the way.....

Ray of Hope and love keeps us going....
It has been a eventful journey all the way,
In the valley of flowers, you had a long stay,
You know it will rain when we meet,
Suddenly, I can smell a sweet aroma around,
Is that you???????
Rains comes down,touches my eyes..I can see,
I know its you....
You turn around, I know for sure its you.....
I have known that smile, that can enlighten lives of million,
Cant miss your eyes, that has a story to tell,
My heart start skips a beat...
Soul filled with ecstasy,
Am I living a fantasy!!!!

I dont know if I am awake or sleeping,
Living a beautiful dream, or dreaming a fairy tale,
The grass beneath is soft, and can hear the bees swarming,
Can see your eyes,brimming with love....smiling!!!!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Heroes

Sajde ki yeh hai laakhon, laakhon duyaein maangi, paaya hain maine phir tujhe…..chahat ki teri maine, haq mein hawayein maangi, payan hai maine phir tujhe, tujhse hi dil yeh behla, tu jaise kalma pehla,chahoon kyun na tujhko, jis pal na chaha tujhko, uss pal sajayein maangi paaya hain maine tujhe ….

As I listen to this song, I feel like singing this song to some heroes in my life --- None of these people are not geographically close to me but they are very very close to my heart. Their names are not important but what they stand for in life are extremely important for me. They are crazy in their own way, what is common between them they come across with simple philosophies in what they believe and their heart is full of love…some of them can express, some stay silent. These are extra-ordinary in their own way….they inspire me.

What will you say to the girl, who got destroyed in love…..yet she believes in her love unconditionally come what may. World advises her one thing…and she believes completely different thing….no power, no evil can stop her from believing what she believes—power of true love can overcome any thing…she cries, she laughs she is ready to face any situation, the glow in her face and optimism in her eyes inspires her and me, and gives me hope to re-instate belief in myself. She doesn’t want anyone to tell her she is beautiful, she knows she is. If ever any one falls in love with me, be it like her…….gutsy and mad in love.

And then there is this lady, I am yet to see a more graceful person than her. She speaks little but her eyes speaks volumes— She was never demanding, all she wanted to make the life of the person, she loves—happy, very happy. Some times love makes you handicapped, that’s what happened to her: her love is nothing short of devotion. People worships God, she worshipped her love. She was always misunderstood, some stood tall on her, some hid behind her…but all she wanted someone to stand beside her, holding her hand. And she confronted every storm—with silence. How many tears has her eyes oozed in silence, even God will not will be able to answer. And they were priceless……and she continues loving, as she protects carefully her soul and self respect, with a belief that one day every one in her life will understand and stand with her. Amen. If I had to die for someone, be it her………

I don’t believe the relationships that are the strongest are blood relatives—but with this one I have to contradict myself. He is part of my family—probably bcoz God wanted me to feel special. He has an unsual aura, has that special power to spread happiness…..he around you don’t know how time flies by. His heart is that of young kid, wanting for attention, and craving for love 24/7. He wants you to love everything that he loves---what he loves, he loves like crazy. I am yet to see a guy who loved a girl so much and yet lost in love. For him, love was his world….and his journey from this lover boy to a responsible individual, working hard in an unknown country, devoid of his own people, just for his family is truly amazing. ….I cant see him smile today, but just wish his smile never goes, which ever part of the world he is…..I know for the fact that love was his weakness some day which he has made his strength today….Be happy always!! If I ever feel paternal, its bcoz of him—he may have born to some other parents, but I know he is my kid…God has told me.

People say that God cannot be everywhere that’s why there are friends….how true. This person, I met when probably I was the most lonely soul on earth, away from parents and friends. He taught me to live life simple and uncomplicated—fun, frolic and each moment to the fullest. He made me experience the incredible madness…I don’t remember single moment when we were ever sad and depressed, in his company. Yet I know—he was devoid of love, he lost his dad when young and stayed away in boarding from family…..but he never swayed…He understands relationship yet pretends he does not…whenever he does not want to answer instead he smiles loud….we call him jungle boy, he makes strange noises and faces, to make us happy. And he tells me he wants to serve people in different countries—he is ready to give his high-salaried job to become a volunteer for unknown people. It makes me wonder, what elements are these people made of—just one wish to God, he is a very precious friend of mine..let me lose him never.

I dont know her well… yet every time she enlightens the social networking site with her status update, it gives me goosebumps. She talks simple things about relationships— yet they makes so much sense to me. It seems she loved someone deeply, her inner self writhed with the pain, yet talks about commitment and love…the colours of her statements paints the site with heart-red. She is out there to live her unconventional dreams, beyond the regular life…her energy and her love for music is infectious……..her eyes reflects hope and life , and she represents tomorrow!!!! She gives me hope to live another day, fall in love….

And of course I want to sing this song for Bombay and its people. Goodness of this city has embraced me once more. When I was ill, the bai at my house took care of me , got me medicines…when I was alone on the road, drenched in rain, a stranger dropped me home…….they all are my heroes. And I am sure there are many outside in the world, as to become a hero you don’t need might but heart full of love to conquer the world. Amen.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I dont belong to this world

Have always read about it—that life is an exciting multi-facet,multi-dimensional, journey with moments of joy and sadness and most importantly change from one phase to another. Important changes, important incident forms milestone and gets a permanent blue print in our memories.

I am experiencing the same in that moment of life when I am going through transition, from knowing myself to unlearning myself—in the process trying to unlearn a lot of underlying DNA in relationships. Perhaps the most difficult phase in both my professional and personal life, where I am fighting with myself, my demons, the values to stand for and growing attraction to know the unknown and to detest the society , the people around.

Thanks to technology, the world becoming a global village is a fast, growing reality and each individual is becoming a celebrity in its own rights. Thanks to Face book and Twitter!!!! 24/7 Connected...Round the clock, the urge to let people know whats going on in your mind, in your life, in your favorite celebrities life, letting the world know—you have a mind of your own and your opinion needs to be heard. Nothing can be more optimistic in a democracy....whether Nilekani's ambitious project of giving every Indian an unique identity number will be true or not, I dont know—but the social networking sites has definitely all there to bring out the uniqueness of an individual.Have we ever wondered from orkut, to FB to Twitter..what next? Do I hear a ....Buzz!!!

Me an absolutely technological geek—thanks to tecch savvy cousin, who pushed me to buy a Sam sung Corby— now even I am well connected to this social networking sites and addicted to it. Now one who has in his whole life never been addicted to cigarettes,drugs or for that matter, Love, Sex or Dhoka, addiction to anything is disturbing at all levels.....!

I have been a poor in my own rights. I dont understand a lot of things this intelligent world talks about and even worse dont relate to it. I dont understand when we go to watch a movie, why do we technically dissect each frame and not focus on the emotion or thought the story want to tell—why we are so bothered and debate whether the dead body should have been shown in a glass frame or lying under bare sky and ignore the mother's tears mourning the loss of dead son. Or for the matter of fact, people claims they love someone die-hard and will marry the very person and that very moment enquires about someone's else explore a potential casual relationship. Actually fact is that I am amateur in this world of modern relationships..dont take me seriously!!!

I truly feel writing blogs, is a great way of penning down your nascent thoughts—free from any bindings and thats why mostly honest. By virtue of being an avid reader, I am also keen to read other thoughts in their blogs. But I wished people were a little more bold---they write the true piece from their lives, yet define the characters as fictional and resemblance to life as coincidences and purely incidental. With the risk of sounding rude, I wish I am never part of such blogs, no matter how good is written abt me, in the garb of that fictional name. For god sake, I still live, I still breathe...dont make me history, let alone fiction. I dont understand such love,such is a pure form of “ Emotional Atyachar” for me.

But I do understand and relate to the moist eyes of my friend @Khan, when the credit rolls over for the movie My name is Khan. Thats real...Very real. I do understand my dearest friend and her dilemmma ,of being torn between being a daughter to parents and her own happiness. I love people like @Sonu who can dare to hold your hand in front of the world and let the world know that you are speical rather than uttering in your moblie's inbox a dozen times in midnight, what you mean to that person but scared to do the same in front of the world. Emotional Atyachar for me again!!! Have always been tried to be vocal about my favourites because I have been an idiot my whole life and never learnt greatest tool of modern world: Diplomacy. Ok, I refuse to learn even now... ..and announce the whole world that I love you Mom, Dad, Bhai....because you seem to be the real beings in this world for me. Rest appears virtual.

Great to see a lot of social awareness happening and people taking those small initiatives to make that positive change in people's lives. Be it Idea's Green Campaign for a paperless environment friendly world or NDTV's Greenathon campaign to light up the villages with solar energy. And whats amazing to see number of people joining hand to take forward the initiative. Teach India Campaign was another amazing campaign...wish to see much more action for survival and education for a girl child. More power to these people!!!! And Education is important because it helps us to differentiate good from bad. And one more lesson that I have learnt this year—that people in this world are divided into two sects: Good and Bad—one who does good karma and one who does bad karma. And there is no other classification. Loved to trust that but truth is that we all lie probably in the over-lapping grey area.

I feel like a lost child in this world, so much to see, so much to learn, so much to give—having said all this I truly feel I am misfit in world of smart, intelligent,suave and sexy people like my cousin Tj, my friend Praveen, Sonia...although I know they mean the world to me and they are kind enough to tell me that simple mortals like me without six packs and good looks are also imprortant for this planet. I guess ecological balance is critical. Just joking, they plain simple love me and addicted to my weaknesses. Ha Ha!!! And then there is Antara,Ajit, Venus, Vikram,Sri,Wazz —I am no one to them, yet they are worried about my well being and extends unconditional care. Then there is Ujjwal—who makes me laugh and smile with whackiest jokes...and makes the moment living worthwhile. And of course my whole facebook and twitter family, who has overwhelmed me with their love and support. Thanks guys from bottom of my heart. All these people gives me the hope that all is not over for me and I can survive the world -----yet there is a outer world calling the inner me to go to them, visit new places, new people, do some thing new....noise growing louder to shun my present world. Dilemma persists within me. I wished I could adopt a kid and be a single cool would be that? I wished I could go back to my school and attend class 3 English classes with @ Indranil @Kaustav.

Last but not the least, there are a few , whom I cannot name, who also form core-DNA of my life , as they prefer being fiction over real, and duly respect their privacy and sentiments. I cannot interpret their feelings as I suffer from dyslexia in some relationships but my love for them do not have disclaimers....which made me draw my last conclusion for the day, its more important to be with person who loves you rather than whom you love. But then chemistry like @Srkajol just happens...right @Payal?

And my thoughts above are all for real and any resemblance to life is purely intentional:-)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Send me luv.....

Someday I will walk the aisle,
I have been dreaming this for quite a while,
Yet something stops me from thinking beyond..
As if something more awaits for me in this world.

Friends, Foes I have seen it all,
Sporadic love, instinct hatred had a great fall,
Few stayed by, Few I opted out,
Always wanted to be just me in this human clout.

Some people took my breath away,
to their tune made me sway,
I was happy without a reason,
they made me feel free from this prison.

I still remember the smiles,
Vivacious, loaded with energy
Made me Flyyyyyyyyyyy.....
My heart beats reached a new high.

In the blank piece of mind,
Would have thought thousand times I loved her,
Yet not once could sketch her in the canvas of my heart,
Her imagery got lost somewhere in this waging heart and mind war.

Have to cross the Noah's arc, and set a new mark........
Embark upon a new journey, full of uncertainty
Mind and Heart are in tandem arising a internal mutiny,
My silence trying to buy peace, telling them it is a mutual destiny.

Now that I am settled, raring to go,
Look back, surprised to see all friends and no foe,
So little time and so many buddy,
Emotional, nostalgic reminding myself to be steady,
I need to carry the candle of love and the smile,
Irrespective of religion,caste,creed...whomever I touch upon,
try to kindle the magic of humanity in their lives for that while,
If they ask me,from where I have possessed the wealth of love,
I will tell them, its all the treasures of beautiful people, I know.